This page contains dialogue related to Cabin Fever. The content below is copied verbatim from RuneScape and thus copyrighted by Jagex.

Starting out

Port Phasmatys

• Bill Teach: Mumblelandlubbermumblemumble...
• Player: Hello!
• Bill Teach: What right have ye to be so happy, landlubber?
• Player: Well, it is quite a nice day.
• Bill Teach: Aye, that it is.
• Bill Teach: Will ye forgive an old sailor for his temper lad/lass? I'm in dire straits indeed.
• Player: What's the problem? I may be able to help.
• Bill Teach: I dunno, lad/lass, I need a pirate to help me with my problem, but none will sail with me.
• Bill Teach: Well, ye look like ye might have the right stuff, tell me would ye like te be a pirate?
  • Player: Yes, I've always wanted to be a pirate!
    • Player: A life on the open waves, swinging on the rigging, walking the plank...
    • Player: I'd love to be a pirate!
    • Bill Teach: Well I dunno... it takes more grit than most have te be a pirate.
    • Bill Teach: Tell me, be ye as agile as a cat on a hot tin roof?
    • Player: Well, I am quite agile...
    • Bill Teach: Be ye a smith and craftsman/woman of great renown?
    • Player: Arr! That I be!
    • Bill Teach: Be ye the kind of keen-eyed archer that can hit an albatross at one hundred paces?
    • Player: Aye! Ye point me te the Albatross^[sic] and I'll bring it down Cap'n!
    • Bill Teach: Have ye rendered great services to pirates in the past?
    • Player: Arr! I be the least land-lubberin' landlubber that ye ever did see!
    • Player: I'll send those scurvy-riddled bilge-dogs to the bottom of the sea!
    • Player: Fire another broadside Mr Bosun!
    • Player: Flog 'em fer bein' lazy sons of whelks!
    • Player: Arr! Arr!
    • Bill Teach: Well lad/lass, I don't think ye could pirate yer way out of a chest full of piracy.
    • Player: Awww...
    • Bill Teach: But since nobody else will risk the trip ye'll do!
    • Bill Teach: Well lad/lass, I be Bill Teach, the Captain of the Adventurous, one of the finest ships ever to sail these waters.
    • Bill Teach: I'm in port doin' some legitimate tradin' before headin' back to Mos Le'Harmless.
    • Player: Mos Le'Harmless? Where is that?
    • Bill Teach: It's a pirate stronghold off the southern coast of Morytania.
    • Bill Teach: Been in existence for years it has, the best place for pirates to relax with the exception of Brimhaven.
    • Bill Teach: Would be THE best, but we don't have their fancy Agility Arena.
    • Player: Will it be OK for me to go there if I am not a pirate?
    • Bill Teach: Of course lad/lass, once we make landfall ye'll have worked as a sailor on a pirate vessel, which is one of the easiest ways to become a true pirate.
    • Bill Teach: This brings me back to the reason I'm stuck here of course, and the reason I need your help.
    • Bill Teach: Last night I got into' a war o' words with another Cap'n, and he has vowed to sink my ship and put all of my crew to the sword.
    • Player: How horrible! How did your crew react?
    • Bill Teach: By desertin'.
    • Player: All of them?
    • Bill Teach: Every last one!
    • Bill Teach: The second I leave port I'll come under attack. I think I'll be able te make it if I have another person helpin' out, but I wouldn't stand a chance by me self.
    • Bill Teach: Ye said ye would help me out lad/lass, will ye stand by yer word?
      • Player: Yes, I am a man/woman of my word.
        • Bill Teach: Arr! Ye struck me as a man/woman of integrity!
        • Bill Teach: My ship is the Adventurous, and she's at the east dock.
        • Bill Teach: I'm all ready te get underway, and I'll see ye onboard when yer ready te go too.
        • Player: You won't... err... I mean ye'll not regret it Cap'n!
        • Bill Teach: I'm sure I won't.
      • Player: No, if it's so dangerous your crew left, count me out.
        • Bill Teach: Well, that doesn't surprise me much.
        • Bill Teach: On yer way lad/lass, leave me be.
  • Player: No thanks, it sounds quite dangerous.
    • Bill Teach: Aye, that it be. Come back when yer liver ain't so lily-like, lad/lass.

Talking to Bill before boarding the Adventurous

• Bill Teach: Let me finish my drink, landlubber!
• Bill Teach: If ye ain't up te scratch as a pirate I may not get another one.
• Player: Aye aye Cap'n!
• Bill Teach: Just remember, he's/she's all ye could get, Bill, and maybe ye'll get through it...

On board the ship

• Bill Teach: Ye came!
• Player: You seem rather surprised.
• Bill Teach: Well, I had the feelin' ye might have run off when ye realised how much of a task ye had ahead of ye.
• Player: Don't ye worry about me, Cap'n! I'm the scurviest, throat-cuttinest pirate to ever walk the mainplank! Arr!
• Bill Teach: Aye, I should have remembered ye was eager.
• Bill Teach: Ye all ready to go lad/lass?
  • Player: Let's go Cap'n!
    • End of dialogue
  • Player: Can I just go grab something?
    • Bill Teach: Aye lad/lass, take yer time, I'm not goin' anywhere without ye.

After abandoning ship

On board the ship

• Bill Teach: All right lad/lass, let's try this again. This time, try not te run away!

Port Phasmatys inn

• Bill Teach: Well, as much as this is an interestin' break, why don't ye head back to the ship and we'll see if we can beat them this time?
• Player: Aye aye Cap'n!
• Bill Teach: Stop sayin' that!

Setting sail

Cutscene

• Player: Well, looks like they found us Cap'n.
• Bill Teach: Ye don't say lad/lass.
• Bill Teach: Well, without anyone else te help ye'll have te do some hard work if we don't want to end up walkin' home on the sea bed.
• Player: What will you be doing?
• Bill Teach: Well if their first shot hadn't taken out the cannon I'd be firing that at them.

Another shot is fired

• Bill Teach: Arr! They seek te hole the ship! Go and take care of their cannon.
• Player: How?
• Bill Teach: If ye grab some fuse from the gun locker, and a rope from the repair locker, then ye can use the rope on the sails to swing over and deal with their cannon.
• Bill Teach: Just take the fuse, use it on the barrel of gunpowder next to the cannon, and then light it with something.
• Bill Teach: A lantern, a tinderbox, it doesn't matter.
• Bill Teach: End of problem.

Another shot is fired

• Player: How do I get back?
• Bill Teach: They have masts as well don't they?
• Bill Teach: Just do the same trick using some rope on their sails and swing over.
• Player: Arr! I'll hop to it Cap'n!
• Bill Teach: Stop doin' that!
• Bill Teach: Ye ain't a pirate yet by a long shot!
• Bill Teach: I'll be on deck if ye need me.

Cutscene ends

• Player: Now to take care of that cannon!

Talking to Bill on board the ship

• Player: Just to clear everything up, what is it you want me to do?
• Bill Teach: Well, ye'll need to silence their cannon before it sinks us. Before ye do that though, ye'll need to swing over to their ship.
  • Player: How do I make a rope swing?
    • Bill Teach: Yer not much of a pirate are ye lad/lass?
    • Bill Teach: Ye climb up the mast and use a rope on the sails up there.
    • Bill Teach: Then ye climb down and ye swing on the rope.
    • Bill Teach: If I have te explain how ye do THAT then I might as well just send out some biscuit weevles^[sic] to do the job instead.
    • Player: Aye aye Cap'n! One rope swing coming right up!
    • Bill Teach: Egad...
  • Player: How can I blow up their cannon?
    • Bill Teach: Well, ye'll need some fuse from the cannon locker below decks.
    • Bill Teach: Swing over to the enemy ship and put the fuse in the barrel of gunpowder they'll have next to the cannon to speed up their firin'.
    • Bill Teach: Then, use something on the fuse te get it lit. A tinderbox, candle or any sort of flame will do.
    • Bill Teach: After that ye just step back and let it burn by its self.
    • Player: Arr! I'll blow that cannon sky high, sez I!
    • Bill Teach: Give me strength...

After destroying the cannon

• Player: Arr! I've blown their cannon to smithereens Cap'n!
• Bill Teach: Yer not a pirate yet lad/lass, so stop talkin' like that!
• Bill Teach: Well, ye've sorted out their cannon, but we're takin' on water.
• Bill Teach: Go below deck and sort out the leaks.
• Player: Will smearing swamp paste on the holes do?
• Bill Teach: No lad/lass, these holes were made by cannon fire.
• Bill Teach: Ye'll need to get some planks from the repair locker and tack them in place. Then ye smear swamp paste over the planks to seal the hole.
• Player: Arr! I'll have this ship ship-shape in no time! Arr!
• Bill Teach: Wait 'till we make landfall before ye start actin' like a pirate!

Talking to Bill again

• Player: Errr... I may well have been caught up in the whole 'pirate' thing, and I can't seem to remember what I need to do now...
• Bill Teach: Zounds...
• Bill Teach: Pay attention!
• Bill Teach: Ye'll need to get some planks from the repair locker and tack them in place. Then ye smear swamp paste over the planks to seal the hole.
• Player: Arr! I be rememberin' now Cap'n!
• Bill Teach: This is what I get when I ask random strangers for help...

After plugging the holes

• Player: The holes be plugged Cap'n!
• Bill Teach: Nailed shut and waterproofed?
• Player: Aye!
• Bill Teach: Good work lad/lass.
• Bill Teach: If ye weren't set on yellin' 'Arr!' all the time I'd think ye was a born sailor.
• Bill Teach: Regardless, those cowardly dogs seem a little too scared to swing over.
• Bill Teach: Why not pay them a visit and go plunder their hold?
• Player: Arr! I'll plunder their booty and no mistake!
• Bill Teach: Gadzooks...
• Bill Teach: Look, just go below their decks and search their hold for Plunder^[sic].
• Bill Teach: Come back here and drop it in the chest in the hold.
• Bill Teach: Ye should be able to round up ten loads of the stuff if ye keep searchin' the hold, but it may take a while for the stuff to reappear.
• Player: Aye aye Cap'n! One plunderin' comin' right up!
• Bill Teach: I've been a pirate all me life and I've never heard anyone keep harpin' on like that!
• Bill Teach: Stop it!

Talking to Bill again

• Player: So... how many loads of plunder did you want me to get?
• Bill Teach: Ten! Can't ye count that high?
• Player: Of course I can!
• Player: What happens if I take all the plunder I find and there is less than ten loads?
• Bill Teach: Then ye wait for the pirates to stash some more in the hold. Since they are under attack they'll be dumpin' their gold and stuff in there every chance they get.
• Bill Teach: Just give it a minute and head back!
• Player: Arr! I'll keep plunderin' till the hold be full of booty!
• Bill Teach: Yer not makin' any friends here lad/lass, just go and do it.

After plundering

• Bill Teach: I warn ye, lad/lass, if the first word out of yer mouth is 'Arr' I'll be wearin' yer spleen as a novelty hat before ye reach the second 'r'!
• Player: Ahoy shipmate!
• Bill Teach: I should have seen that comin'.
• Player: Cap'n! I've put ten loads of plunder in the chest, in the hold!
• (If you have surplus plunder)
  • Player: I even had some left over!
  • Bill Teach: Let me see that.
  • Player: Can I have those back?
  • Bill Teach: Have what back?
  • Player: Nothing...
• Player: Are we all done now?
• Bill Teach: Not yet! Let's give 'em a blast with the cannon before we leave!
• Player: How, the cannon is broken.
• Bill Teach: Alright lad/lass, try and stay with me on this one.
• Bill Teach: See, there is a secret technique for making things that be broken right again.
• Bill Teach: We call this magical process... repairin'.
• Player: I know what repairing is!
• Player: How do I repair the cannon?
• Bill Teach: Ye need to remove the old barrel, then replace it with a new one from the gun locker downstairs.
• Player: And then what?
• Bill Teach: I don't want to overload ye with too many details right now. Come tell me when the cannon is ready again.

Talking to Bill again

• Player: What was I doing again?
• Bill Teach: If ye know what is good for ye, yer off to fix the cannon!
• Player: How was I going to do that again?
• Bill Teach: By replacing the broken barrel with a new one! Hop to it lad/lass, the salt air is clearly eatin' into yer brains!

After replacing cannon barrel

• Player: Cap'n I...
• Bill Teach: Have ye fixed the cannon yet, yes or no.
• Player: Yes.
• Bill Teach: Ye did? Great!
• Bill Teach: Now ye can give those pirates a good shot across their bows.
• Bill Teach: Ye'll need to load the cannon, and if ye get it wrong the barrel will blow, and ye'll need to start again.
• Bill Teach: First, ye take some powder from the powder keg.
• Bill Teach: Then ye use a ramrod from the gun locker on the powder to tamp the charge.
• Bill Teach: Then ye use a canister round on the cannon.
• Bill Teach: Finally ye use some fuse on the cannon, and light it like ye did the fuse on the barrel earlier.
• Bill Teach: Then ye'll need to use the ramrod on the cannon to clean it out for the next shot.
• Bill Teach: Ye got all that?
• Player: Yes, but if I forget I'll come and ask you.
• Bill Teach: And te think this was all I could get te help...

Talking to Bill again

• Bill Teach: I can guess from the lack of an explosion that ye haven't fired the cannon yet, correct?
• Player: Well, not as such no.
• Bill Teach: And I'll bet ye want a quick recap of how to do it, correct?
• Player: That would help to be honest.

Bill goes through the steps mentioned in the above dialogue

• Bill Teach: Ye got all that this time?
• Player: Aye Cap'n!
• Bill Teach: Yer still not a pirate, so cut that out!

After firing the cannon

• Player: Well, that seems to have showed them Cap'n!
• Bill Teach: Great! This ordeal will soon be over!
• Player: Aye Cap'n, we'll beat those pirates yet!
• Bill Teach: Pirates?
• Bill Teach: Yes, that ordeal too!
• Bill Teach: Now lad/lass, we'll send them to the bottom of the sea.
• Player: How?
• Bill Teach: Well, ye'll shoot holes in their hull with the cannon.
• Bill Teach: Essentially ye do what ye did last time, but use a cannonball from the gun locker in the hold instead of the canister rounds.
• Player: Arr! I'll sink them scurvy dogs!
• Bill Teach: Again with the 'Arr!'...
• Bill Teach: Give it three tries and see if they sink, that many holes should do it.

Talking to Bill again

• Player: Cap'n, I know I need to load and fire the cannon at the enemy ship...
• Bill Teach: Aye lad/lass?
• Player: And I know I do this by adding powder to the cannon, tamping the charge with a ramrod, adding a cannonball, adding some fuse and then lighting it...
• Bill Teach: Aye lad/lass?
• Player: And I also remembered your warning about cleaning the barrel after every shot to avoid the cannon exploding...
• Bill Teach: Aye lad/lass?
• Player: But I've forgotten how many times I'm supposed to shoot the enemy ship...
• Bill Teach: Three! Three times lad/lass! Three! One more than two, one less than four! Got it!
• Player: There is no need to shout...

Returning to Port Phasmatys

• Player: Err, Cap'n, can we go back to port?
• Bill Teach: Go back?
• Bill Teach: Got a little scared now have we?
• Player: It's not that, I just need to grab something from the bank, that's all...
• Bill Teach: A likely story.
• Bill Teach: Are ye sure ye can't get by without it?
  • Player: No, I need to go back now.
    • Bill Teach: I thought as much.
  • Player: I'll try...
    • Bill Teach: That's the spirit!

Sailing again after abandoning ship

At the beginning

• Bill Teach: One look at the enemy and ye run away.
• Bill Teach: Get over there and take out their cannon before I throw ye there me self.

After destroying the cannon

• Bill Teach: Looks like they haven't been back to port to get that cannon fixed, which is lucky.
• Bill Teach: Get below and fix the holes in the hull pronto, or we'll sink before they have a chance te kill us!

After plugging holes

• Bill Teach: When yer quite done runnin' away lad/lass ye've got a load of plunder to be grabbin'!

After plundering

• Bill Teach: Have ye sorted out the cannon yet?
• Player: Not yet.
• Bill Teach: Then hop to it lad/lass!

After replacing cannon barrel

• Bill Teach: We were on the home stretch lad/lass why did we turn back?
• Bill Teach: Never mind, just go shoot the pirates and let's press on.

After firing the cannon

• Bill Teach: We had them right where we wanted them, and we ran!
• Bill Teach: I'll be a laughing stock...
• Player: Well, I did shoot the crew with the cannon before we left.

Continues to dialogue about how to sink the enemy ship.

After being told how to sink enemy ship

• Bill Teach: We're almost there! Just hole their hull and we'll be able to make it past. Get to it!

Enemy pirate dialogue

Each pirate has unique dialogue.

Conversation 1

• Pirate: Fancy a crumpet?
• Player: What?
• Pirate: Sorry, I mean...
• Pirate: Arr! Run him/her through, sez I!

Conversation 2

• Pirate: Kill the landlubber!

Conversation 3

• Pirate: Kill the squid-lovin' dog!

Conversation 4

• Pirate: I'll have ye guts fer garters!

Conversation 5

• Pirate: Get off my ship!

Conversation 6

• Pirate: Te Davy-Jones Locker with ye!

Conversation 7

• Pirate: Prepare te die!

Conversation 8

• Pirate: I'm gonna kill ye!

Conversation 9

• Pirate: Garr!

Ending cutscene

After shooting the cannon

• Bill Teach: Let's head to the island!

Cutscene starts

• Mama: Bill? You look like you've been to Davey Jones' locker and back.
• Bill Teach: Oh, Miss La'Fiette, if only I were that lucky.
• Bill Teach: My crew deserted and I was stuck with an adventurer mannin' me ship.
• Bill Teach: He/She was as piratical as a bunch of Dwellberries...
• Player: I am still here you know...
• Bill Teach: Aye lad/lass, I remember.
• Mama: I'll leave you two alone.
• Bill Teach: All right...
• Bill Teach: Ok Player, yer now a pirate, but...
• Player: Arr!
• Bill Teach: BUT ye can't just go around talking like some pirate in a fancy play.
• Bill Teach: No self-respectin' pirate says 'Arr' that much!
• Bill Teach: Well, except for Fancy Dan, but that be another story.
• Bill Teach: Here, have this book. It'll learn ye how to be a pirate.
• Bill Teach: Or at least learn ye te talk proper like one.
• Player: So all I have to do is read this book and I'm a pirate?
• Bill Teach: Aye... that be all ye need te do.
• Bill Teach: Ye'll need that book if ye want te trade with some of the pirates round here.
• Bill Teach: Outsiders tend not te understand them if ye catch me drift.
• Bill Teach: Anyway, I'd have been shark bait without ye.
• Bill Teach: If ye get a moment come see me fer yer share of the loot.
• Bill Teach: I'm sure as soon as ye stop yellin' 'Arr!' ye'll make a great pirate.
• Bill Teach: Thanks Player. If ye need a lift back, just come see me.

v • d • e Cabin Fever
NPCs	Bill Teach  Pirate  Mama
Items	Fuse  Repair plank  Tacks  Plunder  Cannon barrel  Canister  Gunpowder  Cannon ball  Ramrod  Broken cannon  Little Book o' Piracy
Rewards	Agility XP lamp  Crafting XP lamp  Smithing XP lamp
Locations	The Adventurous
Music	Cabin Fever In the Brine
Miscellaneous	Quick guide • Transcript